


Broken Truths

by Idril_Telperien1



Series: Fallen Verse [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idril_Telperien1/pseuds/Idril_Telperien1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A spin off to my "Fallen" story. Marley and Spencer have to deal with the fall out when it's revealed that Aaron knew Emily was alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a late in the evening when someone knocked loudly on the door. Jack was contently asleep in his room and I was doing some coursework for my degree although every so often I went into his room to check on him. I felt bad, I had finals coming up and his Dad was in Pakistan so he had to occupy himself. It had been a shock to all of us when Aaron came home one evening and pulled me into the kitchen for a ‘talk’; I’d never been so scared, he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. My first thought had been that something had happened to Spencer, even though I knew that was absurd as he was on sabbatical so Aaron would never know before me.

_“Aaron?” There was a slight quaver in my voice as I wondered what was going to happen to us now._

_“I’m being sent away.”_

_“Excuse me?” I looked at him in utter confusion; I mean who was sending him away? He was the unit chief for crying out loud!_

_“They need me to head a task force out in Pakistan.” He admitted quietly._

_“And you said yes?! What about Jack? What about the team, are you stepping down?” I fired a million questions at him angrily._

_“I don’t have a choice; do you think I’d leave if I did? And I’ll still be unit chief, just… in Pakistan. Morgan will act in my stead.” He looked away from me, and I could see how hard he was trying to keep it together for Jack and me._

_“How long will you be gone?” I asked a little more tenderly._

_“I don’t know… You’ll look after Jack won’t you?”_

_“You know I will.” I hugged him tightly and tried not to cry as Jack walked into the room._

_“What’s wrong?” There was a slight whine in his voice as he stood watching_ the two of us embrace.

“Jack come and sit down, Daddy’s got something he needs to tell you.”

That had been four months ago, and Aaron was still in Pakistan. Although we all talked daily, both of us were missing him dreadfully. After the attack I liked having a man about the house, which was why Spencer had been drafted in as a replacement Aaron, albeit one which I slept with. I did like having Spencer in the house, it was almost like a trial run for when we lived together, and if the trial run was anything to go by when we did live together it would be brilliant. Spencer had been using his sabbatical to finish his degree and spend some time with me and his Mother; well that was the official line but unofficially I thought he just needed a break. Since he was 21 he had been working non-stop on some of the most gruesome cases known to man and with the option to leave for a little while offered to him on a plate, well you couldn’t blame him for taking it.

Tonight however was different. Derek had found Doyle and everyone wanted the chance to bring him down so Spencer had raced off into the night to help hunt down the man that had murdered one of our closest friends. I couldn’t help but hope that they gave him the beating that he deserved, although after the last time when he had happily killed an FBI agent I hoped that Spencer would be careful, especially since he hadn’t been in the field for months.

I hadn’t written more than a sentence in the last half hour and was fearful for the team that I considered to be my family, and then Spencer’s signature knock echoed throughout the apartment. Spencer had a key to the apartment but he said he didn’t feel right using it, which I thought was ridiculous but I let him have his little quirks.

“Spence!” I yelped as I jumped up and raced towards the door, glad that he was home safe. I was however, nervous about what I would find on the other side of the door, Spence was still so raw after Emily’s death and if things with Doyle hadn’t ended the way that he wanted them too then I hated to think how he would feel. When I first opened the door my first thought was that Doyle had got away again, he looked so dreadful.

“Spence, darling?” I hugged him tightly as he stumbled into my arms

 “She’s alive.” He mumbled into my shoulder although I was sure I had misheard him.

“Spence?”

“Emily, she’s back, she’s alive. She’s always been alive. And Hotch and JJ knew.” It felt like the floor had fallen out from beneath my feet, as I tried to comprehend what he had just said. Aaron had _known;_ he’d lied to Spencer, to me, to _Jack._ When I thought about what Jack had been through, losing his Mother at such a young age and then being told that his aunt had died. Aaron wouldn’t, he _couldn’t_ have done that.

“You must be mistaken, he…”

“He told me himself.” Spencer’s tone was dead and I understood the pain that he felt; to me it felt much as it had when John had shot me. A searing pain that flashed across my chest and made it difficult to breath. I slumped down onto the couch and Spencer sat next to me, absentmindedly stroking my arm.

“JJ knew?” I was being naïve but I couldn’t believe that she could help him through his grief all the while knowing it was unnecessary. It had been stupid but I’d been insanely jealous of her during the weeks after Emily’s death; Spencer had gone to her to grieve and while at first I understood his desire to be with his _family_ after eight weeks of being cut out in favour of a blonde who he’d once had a crush on, I’d got a bit irate. Aaron had simply shrugged it off and said that he had to grieve in his own way; he hadn’t had to though, had he.

“Yeah, she knew. The whole time she _knew._ She knew.” He rubbed angry at his eyes as tears threatened to spill over his eyelids and down his already broken features. “I should go.”

“What, no! Stay here tonight baby.” I leaned forwards and kissed his temple.

“Hotch was speaking to Strauss but he’ll be back here soon, and I don’t think… I can’t be around him right now.” I wanted to go with him, leave Aaron until I was calm enough not to tell him what kind of a Father I thought he really was but Jack would want me in the morning and I couldn’t leave him right now.

“I’ll call you in the morning.” I promised and kissed him desperately on his lips which were bleeding from where he’d worried at them the whole night long.

“Will you be alright? Maybe I should stay in case…” He couldn’t finish the sentence but I knew what he meant; in case we had a big row that led to me shivering alone on the street with an Unsub lurking in weight.

“No, I can’t leave Jack. He’ll need me when all of this comes out, but I’ll call you before I go to bed I promise.” I kissed him again before snuggling against his cheek for some kind of comfort. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly; after almost two years together we fit together perfectly, we understood what the other needed when they were upset or unhappy. He kissed me once more before dragging himself off the sofa and heading for the door.

“I love you.” He promised me as he got ready to leave.

“I know, love you too.” I gave him a half-hearted smile as I shut the door on him, waiting for Aaron to come home. For weeks now I’d been waiting for him to come home, I couldn’t wait to see Jack’s reaction when his Father finally walked through the door. Now I wished he’d stayed in Pakistan.

Despite the late hour I stayed up waiting for him; I wanted to see him, to argue the hell with him and I couldn’t do that in the morning when Jack was up. So I waited, even after his long absence I doubted it would take this long to talk to Strauss, which meant that he was waiting me out in the hope I’d go to bed before he got in. I never had him down as a coward. But then I’d never had him down as a liar either. I guess despite living together for over two years I really had no idea about Aaron Hotchner. When Aaron Hotchner finally opened the door he looked like a different person, he’d grown a long beard and looked like he needed several good meals; well he wasn’t getting them from me. Now that I saw him, all the angry things I had ready to fire at him seemed to dissipate out of my head, seeing his face just made me even more livid.

“Before you judge me at least give me the chance to explain. I _had_ to lie to you.” His voice was hoarse and he had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

“Don’t you understand! It’s not your lies to me that bother me; it’s your lies to that little boy! Jack, your son, who believes that you’re his hero! You let him believe she was dead, after everything that happened to Haley? Did you think how confusing that would have been to him? What if he thinks his Mom can come back too? Did that even cross your mind?!” All those vicious assaults came spewing out and once I started I couldn’t stop. I felt nothing but hate for the man.

“I had to! What could I do when everyone else thought she was dead?!”

“If you’d trusted your team then you wouldn’t have had to! They would have helped you keep it from him but no! You let that little boy think she was dead, for what?!”

“I couldn’t tell them! I wasn’t allowed!” He bellowed back at me, his face turning red with rage.

“Why? Why? They love Emily; they wouldn’t put her in danger! And what about Spencer, what about my Spence? You know what happened that night, when I had to pull the needle away from him! You could have told him then!” Tears streamed down my face as I thought back to that night when I’d received the crackling call in the middle of the night on what would have been Emily’s birthday.

_He’d been in a state and I could barely understand a word he was saying. Aaron had been gone for a few days so I’d had to raise a grumpy neighbour to watch Jack while I raced to his apartment, kicking myself because I should have forced him to stay with me._

_The door had been unlocked, which worried me even more. He was usually so careful. I found him curled up in his room faced away from the door holding something against his skin. The moonlight caught the metal needle and I froze in horror, he had a syringe full of dilaudid a hairs breath away from his arm. I forced myself to slowly move into his line of sight, barely breathing as I tried not to startle him into doing something stupid. It reminded me of the bear in the woods, but I forced myself to stay in the present; I could only deal with one of our breakdowns at a time._

_“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you.” He sobbed heartbrokenly as his eyes stayed focused on the needle which was so very close to his skin. I bent down in front of him before slowly reaching out to take the needle from him._

_“It’s okay, we lean on each other. You know that, the two of us against the world.” I promised him as I leant forward and kissed his shaking body. “Did you take anything? It’s okay if you did but I need to know.”_

_“No, no. I wanted to but then I thought of you and… and… and Jack. I’m sorry!” He began sobbing so violently that his whole body shook as if he had been electrocuted. I manoeuvred him so that he was curled up in my lap and I rocked his body like I did when Jack was upset._

_After I’d managed to get Spencer home and asleep in our bed, I’d called Aaron for some support. He’d listen to me cry and had spoken in a thick voice of his worry for his friend. He could have put us all out of our misery then and there._

Aaron never got to answer my complaint as Jack appeared in the doorway looking shell shocked by all our screaming. He turned to see the other assailant and his eyes widened in amazement as he saw his Dad for the first time in months. He shrieked in delight and flung himself into his Father’s waiting arms; I’d been longing to see the two of them together for months but now it just made me feel sick and I had to turn away and pull a stray thread on my top.

“Why were you two yelling? Daddy’s home! It’s good!” Jack complained as he snuggled tightly into his Dad’s embrace. I looked at Aaron but he mouthed “Tomorrow” and I bristled but agreed; it wasn’t the type of thing to tell him at night. It shouldn’t be the type of thing you told him at all.

“It doesn’t matter. Right well, why don’t you go and sleep with your Dad. I’ll see you in the morning, alright buddy.” I kissed his head and left the room, unable to look Aaron in the eye.

It was only once I’d locked my bedroom door that I allowed myself to cry, big fat tears that fell unobstructed down my face as I slid onto my bed. Spencer’s shaking hand holding the dread needle and Jack’s distraught face were replayed again and again in my mind as I tried to comprehend just what Aaron had done.

 And how Jack was going to cope with the truth.   

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Silence was not a concept usually associated with the Hotchner household, Jack was usually laughing and we were usually chatting together; especially at Saturday morning breakfast, it was our family time. But today a stifling silence had descended as I pushed cornflakes around my bowl, unable to find an appetite to eat them. Jack, despite being ecstatic that his Dad was finally home seemed to realise that something was seriously wrong between the two of us.

“Jack, there’s something we need to tell you.” Aaron eventually started, I’d been waiting for it since I’d woken up but I thought he might drag it out until the afternoon, as if thinking of some ridiculous excuse would make this any better for Jack. “I need you to be a really big boy for me okay?”

“Okay Daddy.” He smiled up at Aaron, not realising the lies his Father had told all of us.

“You remember how Aunty Emily died…”

“Because of a bad man.” Jack finished quietly. “Like Mommy.”

“No!” I yelled quickly, wanting to keep the similarities between the two cases to a minimum. “It _was_ a bad man but not like the one that hurt your Mom.”

“No,” Aaron agreed. “Listen Jack, Aunty Emily had to hide from the bad man so I had to lie to everyone… to _you_ so that he couldn’t hurt her. But now the bad man’s… gone so she’s back. Do you understand?”

Jack was very quiet for a long time before looking at me. “Did you know?”

“No, no I didn’t.” I tried to keep my voice level but I didn’t know how well I succeeded.

“So you lied?” He quizzed his Father. To that Aaron had no answer. “But you said that lying is always bad and we must never lie.”

“Sometimes… sometimes adults have to lie to protect someone.”

“But if Aunty Emily can come back why can’t Mommy? Is it because she doesn’t love me enough?” His bottom lip wobbled and his voice cracked. I let out an involuntarily snarl in Aaron’s direction before wrapping Jack up in my arms and cradling him tightly.

“Baby you know that’s not true. Your Mom loved you so much, she would have done anything for you.” _she died for you_ I added silently. “I know what’s happening right now is confusing but all you need to know is that we all love you.” It was hardly earth shattering advice but what could you say to a little boy who’d had his whole world turned upside down.

“Love you too.” Jack mumbled against my chest but I could still feel his shoulders shaking as he cried quietly into my chest. I looked up from comforting Jack to see the crumpled, defeated look on Aaron’s face as he watched his son succumb to grief, all because of him. I couldn’t find much sympathy for him though, this was all his fault. As I continued to comfort the tearful boy Aaron’s phone buzzed along the table and from the grimace on his face I knew that he had to go into the office.

“Go, we’ll be fine without you. We coped perfectly well without you for the last few months.” I added with unnecessary savagery.

“Jack, I’ve got to go to work but when I get back we’ll talk some more. I love you so much.” He kissed the boy’s head before heading towards the bedroom to sort out his stuff. I knew how confusing it must be for him, it was bad enough for me and I’d seen into that world of darkness and destruction. Jack continued to cuddle my jumper while I stroked his hair and whispered soothingly that his Mom loved him very, very much.

“Can we go see Spencer? I want a magic trick.” He whispered quietly and I gave a thin smile; while their relationship had started off being less than perfect they were now firm friends. What could I say; anyone who could pull a quarter out of thin air was definitely a winner where Jack was concerned.

“I think that sounds like a great idea.” If I was honest I was glad he’d suggested it, although it had only been a few hours I really wanted to be near him. And I wanted to check that he hadn’t done anything stupid while he’d been alone. So while Jack ran to get his shoes on, I quickly pulled my phone out to text him, praying that he was alright, well as alright as he could be given what had happened. **Jack wants to see his favourite uncle, can we come round? Love you baby xxx**

 **Can’t wait to see you both. We can get lunch? X** Thankfully Spencer’s reply came back quickly so I didn’t have to spend too much time worrying about him. I hurried to get Jack ready; desperate to be with the man I loved, hoping that the three of us could get back to the small family unit that we’d had going before all the lies and deceit.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

 Spencer answered the door before I’d even finished knocking and quickly bent down to hug Jack before pulling a coin out of his ear. It was the first time that Jack had smiled all morning. Spence looked like he hadn’t slept much but he had a smile for the two of us. While Jack was busy clutching the coin the he’d mysteriously been able to ‘grow’ in his ear, I quickly kissed Spence’s chapped lips. He must have spent the whole night biting his bottom lip if the shredded blood stained flesh was anything to go by. Spencer pulled Jack up onto his shoulders as we began walking down the road towards our favourite restaurant on this side of town, I allowed my hand to wander into his and felt a million times better when he squeezed mine back.

“Strauss cornered me yesterday.” Spence murmured quietly while we ate lunch as Jack played on the outside equipment at the restaurant. “She wants to know when…if I’m going back.”

“Are you?” I asked as I shredded a piece of lettuce with my fingers.

“I don’t know. I… I used to love that job more than anything else, well, not as much as you.” I laughed at his declaration and squeezed his hand. “But I thought they were family, I thought I could _trust_ them! And maybe I could understand it from Hotch, or Rossi but JJ! I thought I could trust JJ with anything. It turns out I can’t trust anyone.”

“You can trust me.” I whispered, hoping what had happened wouldn’t dent his confidence in me or our relationship, I couldn’t stand that. But thankfully he reached out and squeezed my hand, giving me a small smile. “And you can trust Derek, Garcia and Dave. None of them knew, none of them betrayed you.”

“I know, but I’ve… I’ve enjoyed this time off… with you and Jack. I’d miss you.” I laughed before leaning forward and capturing his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Well you’ve still got what, two weeks off; we can make the most of that and then decide.” Spencer nodded quietly before turning to check that Jack was still within sight.

“There’s going to be a hearing about the whole Doyle fiasco, I’ll have to give evidence. I hate giving evidence.” He bit his lip and exhaled as I continued to massage the tense muscles in his hands.

“Why don’t we go out tonight, just the two of us?” It wasn’t much to offer him; a few drinks and something to eat while we both stewed on what had happened but it was better than staring at our apartment walls, or even worse having that conversation with Aaron that I really wasn’t ready to have. He leaned over the table to kiss me again and I took it as a non-verbal agreement to our evening plans.

“Still gross.” Jack’s trademark saying when we were together alerted us to his presence and I smiled at the familiar rhetoric although my gut gave a painful twinge as his scowl matched that of his Father’s. He settled himself into the seat beside me ready for his ice cream, I couldn’t help but analyse his behaviour, trying out my rookie profiling skills; he’d been quiet earlier, as he’d comprehended the news in his childish way but now he seemed more content although that may be because of the ice cream. I may need to work on my profiling skills.

We’d decided we would go to the park and kick a ball around, it was one of Jack’s favourite things to do although the two of us could hardly bend it like Beckham. However before we’re even halfway to the park my phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew exactly who it would be. Aaron.

**I’m back from the office. I had to sort out some of the stuff I left behind in Pakistan. I know you’re angry but we need to talk. Can we meet back at the apartment, Please? Aaron.**

I rolled my eyes, not particularly wanting to have the discussion that I knew he wanted. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say or whether I wanted to hear his explanations, but I also knew that something had to give if our bizarre family unit was going to continue. And maybe if I could sort out some sort of truce with Aaron then Spencer would find it easier going back to work which I knew was what he really wanted to do. Even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself yet.

So, despite the ache in my gut as I watched my two favourite men leave me in the car and headed towards my home, taking up Spence’s obsession and biting down harshly on my lip until I tasted blood. Once I got to the apartment I took my good sweet time walking up the stairs and fiddling around in my pocket for my keys, I even stopped three times to tie my shoelace; unfortunately even with all my procrastinating I eventually made it to our front door and I had no choice but to push the white wooden door open.

“Thanks for coming.” Aaron was sat on the edge of the sofa watching the door, I had the feeling he’d been sat there since the text even though I hadn’t given him any indication that I was coming back; obviously all those long nights in Pakistan had taught him patience. I rolled my eyes and flopped down on a chair opposite him, I wasn’t going to make this any easier for him.  “You’re mad I lied to you.”

“No, I’m mad you lied to _Jack_.” I corrected bluntly.

“Marley, I know you and you _are_ angry I lied to you, even if you’ve hidden it away.”

“Fine.” I muttered as I turned away from him, I’d give him that one, I was angry that he’d lied to me even if I passed it off as concern for everyone else. “We’re meant to be family, we’re meant to tell each other things. I thought we could trust each other.” I ended pathetically.

“Families don’t tell each other everything…”

“Yes they do! Mine does.”  He let out a harsh bark of laughter that made me look up at him and his disbelieving grimace.

“I think you’re forgetting the elephant in the room. I don’t think you ever mentioned your suicide attempt.” He snarled, obviously forgetting he was trying to make peace with me.

“He knows.” I whispered quietly, feeling shame burn my cheeks as I remembered the look of utter horror on my Dad’s face when he’d first seen the vivid scars on my wrists, not that we’d ever talked about (like Aaron said it was the elephant in the room) I guess he just found it too difficult to even contemplate losing his daughter; instead he’d just hugged me tightly and told me he loved me, his voice thick and his shoulders shaking. “That’s not fair.”

“I know, I’m sorry. That wasn’t… right of me… bringing up… you know.” Aaron uncharacteristically stuttered. “Look I did what I had to do and I spent the last seven months feeling awful about lying to you. When I heard about Spencer I came so close to telling you” I made to interrupt but he put his hand up to stop me. “And I would have but then he started getting better. I know it’s not much of an apology but when Jack thought Haley didn’t love him enough to come back… It killed me.”

“It killed him too.” I snapped back, my eyes flashing darkly. 

“I did what I had to do, and I will make it up to him, to Reid and to you, but I need your help.” Aaron begged, which was a pleasant surprise. Aaron Hotchner never begged, and he certainly never begged me for anything.

“I’ll help you with Jack because he needs his Father and Spencer because he needs that job.” 

“What about you?”

“I don’t know.” I admitted before getting up and heading for the door, allowing it to slam shut behind me.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Jack was a lot more forgiving than I was towards his Father than I was, I guess because he didn’t really understand the more complex aspects of the whole thing. When I bought him back, Aaron was waiting with his favourite dinner on the table and a new toy dinosaur on his chair; I rolled my eyes because _really_ , Aaron was usually above using bribery to win back his son.  Jack lapped it up and I tried not to look too surly as I picked over Aaron’s annoyingly good cooking.

“Jack, Daddy does love you; you know that right?” Aaron breached the subject as Jack happily scooped spaghetti into his mouth. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. And Marley.” I couldn’t stop the snort that escaped me but Jack smiled at his Dad and hugged him.

“Love you too, so does Marley.” I gave Jack a tight smile before continuing to eat my spaghetti; feeling suddenly alone as I stared at the two of them hugging.

“I’m going out with Spence tonight.” I announced after Jack had returned to his own seat, almost as much to remind myself that there was someone out there who loved me as to let Aaron know he’d be alone tonight.

“I hope you have a good time, Reid deserves some fun.” I glowered before leaving to get ready for tonight. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with Spence, I wanted to do something he’d enjoy but my brain wasn’t functioning properly.

I went to grab my coat from behind the chair, wanting to get to Spencer as quickly as I could, when a sudden white hot pain flashed across my stomach. I bent double as the pain exploded within me and I screamed out in agony; it felt as if I was being ripped in two from within. My eyes swam but I noticed the stumbling figure of Aaron hastening towards me, his familiar arms holding me tightly as my knees buckled.

“Marley.” His strained voice seemed to come from miles away, as if I was underwater. He kissed my forehead before setting me down on a chair; I wondered where he’d gone. I wanted him back. The pain seemed to burst from my stomach until it was all consuming making it hard to breath. I closed my eyes against the swirling vortex the world had come, desperate for the pain to wane but if anything it seemed to be building towards a crescendo. Arms suddenly wrapped around me and lifted me up, into familiar arms; I opened my eyes to see the profile of Aaron’s face, twisted into a mask of pain and concern for me. I clung onto the starchy white shirt as a spasm ripped through my abdomen and wretched Spencer’s name from my mouth. “Shush, shush, he’ll be here soon.”

“Aaron,” I whimpered as the world went black.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Bright white lights burnt my irises as I opened my eyes which I promptly shut again. I tried to move my hand to cover my eyes, the blinding light still seeping through my eyelids, but some heavy weight was holding it down. Reluctantly I opened my eyes to see where I was as I tried to remember what the hell had happened.

“Hey baby.” I turned my head to see Spencer by my bedside; he looked like he’d been crying. And suddenly everything came flooding back to me.

“What… what happened?” I asked as I moved my other hand across my tender stomach.

“You had an ectopic pregnancy. It occurs in 1 in 90 pregnancies and happens when a fertilised egg implants itself into a fallopian tube; it’s…”

“Spence,” Aaron whispered quietly from the other side. I hadn’t even noticed his presence.

“I wasn’t pregnant.” I whispered quietly, unable to take in what they were telling me. I tightened my grip on my abdomen, unable to comprehend that there had been a baby (baby, _not_ a fertilised egg as Spencer believed) inside me.

“You didn’t know?” Spencer stroked my hand and I felt the tears built up inside me before bursting forth as if a damn had broken. I couldn’t stop it; the sudden onslaught of grief, so fresh, so acute even though a few hours ago I hadn’t known I had anything to lose. My lover’s tender arms wrapped around me but his presence only made it worse; I’d had his baby inside me and now… now it was all gone.

I felt Aaron’s gun calloused hand squeeze mine and I risked a peak up to see his devastated face, so full of sympathy that I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me; allow the blackness to obliterate everything else.

“I’m sorry.” We both whispered.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Spencer Reid POV**

I choked back the sob as I headed down the hideously familiar corridor to the waiting room that we’d waited in after the car crash. I just needed time to compose myself while Marley was asleep; the Doctors had given her something to help her sleep. I couldn’t comprehend that she’d had a miscarriage, I hadn’t even know I was going to be a Father. We’d never really spoken about children, it was just something we were going to do in the future; but we could have made _this_ work. I’d finally moved away from the Reid effect, Jack had even told me I was his _“favouritist uncle ever.”_ We could have been a family with a baby. No _, baby_ brought images of a small child with dark hair and Marley’s eyes; it was an image that I couldn’t deal with right now. I slumped down onto a chair and shuddered as the tears finally began leaking from my eyes.

I still had more terrible news for Marley but it could wait till the morning, she’d been so distraught just from losing the baby I couldn’t tell her any more.

“I’m sorry kid,” Morgan’s familiarly heavy hand fell on my shoulder and I turned round to see sickly sympathetic eyes watching me closely. “Can I sit?”

“Free country,” I whispered before finally asking the most obvious question. “How did you find us?”

“Jess called Rossi when she got there, and from what the neighbour could tell her… well, it sounded like a miscarriage.” Morgan finished quietly.

“Worse,” I reluctantly admitted, and Derek sent me a worried look. “It was an ectopic pregnancy; it happens in around one in every ninety pregnancies.  It means that the egg attached to her fallopian tube, and because her pregnancy had no symptoms, well none that we recognised, it went unnoticed. Until… until tonight when it, when _our_ child grew too big. Her fallopian tube ruptured, causing intense internal bleeding. If Hotch hadn’t… if he hadn’t….” I choked off as I thought about what could have happened if he’d waited, if he hadn’t realised how serious it was, then things could have been so much worse. The tears and sobs escaped me as I lost the little composure I’d been trying to hold onto, while Derek put a soothing hand on the back of my neck but stayed quiet, allowing me to let it all out.

“I should have been there.” I eventually spat out, angry that once again I’d left Marley alone when she was at her most vulnerable. I should have been the one protecting her; it was my job to protect her.

“Kid, how could you have known what was going to happen?”

“I’ve spent every day with her the past few months, and yet tonight I left her alone because I couldn’t handle being around Hotch! This is just like Carmichael all over again, whenever she needs me I always seem to have something better to do!” I snarled, falling quickly into self-loathing despite knowing the rational explanations that I was sure Derek was about to explain to me.

“Spencer, this would have happened if you were there or not. There are something’s you can’t control, and you’re here now Spence. And listen to what you just said, you’ve been with her every day during your time off; and you were there for her every step of the way when we got her back, when I know a lot of guys, a lot of good guys, who wouldn’t have been able to cope with all that. Spencer, that’s what matters. She loves you and you love her. You’ll get through this, like you got through every other ridiculously unfair, brutal thing the two of you have been through.” Derek sighed as he offered me a screwed up tissue from his pocket.

Eventually, once I’d calmed down enough to go back to her bedside the two of us headed back through the hospital only to find Rossi consoling Hotch just outside her door; despite the fact I’d seen Hotch fall apart a few times before, usually because of Marley or Jack, it always shocked me. I guessed because I still perceived him as our fearless leader, even if I had enough evidence that he was human just like me.

“She was under so much stress, because of Pakistan… because of Emily… because of me. This is my fault.” He sighed and leaned against the window so he could keep an eye on Marley’s sleeping form through the glass.

“No it wasn’t Hotch, nothing would have stopped this, you know that.” He jumped at the sound of my voice before turning to look guilty at me.

“I’m sorry Spence.” I wasn’t sure what he was apologising for this time; it didn’t matter to me anymore, I wasn’t angry with him, how could I be when he’d saved her life.

“I know, it’s okay.” What else could I say, he wanted forgiveness and it seemed wrong to deny it to him. The four of us stood quietly in the doorway, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest as she slept peacefully, and I couldn’t help but muse about the amount of time I’d spent in the hospital with my girlfriend. She seemed to have a knack for finding trouble, although the whole team believed that I also had a way of getting into troublesome and life threatening situations in the field. We were perfect for each other in that respect.

I moved back into the room and sat down on one of the rigid straight back chairs by her bedside so I could stroke her hands and hair, the way she liked when we were lying in bed together on a Sunday morning when we had nothing to do and no reason to get up. Unobstructed tears fell quietly down my face as I sat with her, waiting patiently for her to wake up **,** fully prepared to spend all night by her bedside. The others all seemed to feel the same way as they silently entered the room and took seats on either side of her bed.

“Hey,” Marley whispered quietly shocking all of us, we’d been elapsed into silence for hours, I’d slumbered slightly for a while but the chairs were so uncomfortable it was impossible to fall asleep.  She squeezed my hand tightly in her own before whispering something that sounded a lot like _I’m sorry._ I felt the tears coming back as I leaned down to capture her lips in a tender kiss, as the others quietly left us alone in the room. She clung to me for a long time as her shoulders’ shook and my shirt grew damp but I clung onto her tightly, knowing that she needed it right now. Once Marley had calmed down I moved back so I could see her face, although seeing that pained look only made my heart ache.

“We’ll get through this, Honey.” I promised, as much for myself as for her.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Do you reckon it was a boy or girl?” Marley asked quietly as we lay on her bed curled up together.

“Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself.” I whispered softly as I stroked her hair, I couldn’t see her face, just the top of her curly raven locks as she buried her head in my shoulder. Her shaky breath ghosting across my skin like early morning’s winter’s mist across grass. It was early, the red dawn sunlight was just beginning to gleam through Marley’s thin cream curtains but both of us had been awake for a while. There was a timid knock on the door that made Marley swivel round in my embrace to look behind her as Jack’s nervous face appeared.

“I had a bad dream.” Marley instantly sat up and opened her arms to him. Jack didn’t waste any time and quickly raced across the room into our bed. He always came into Marley when he had a bad dream, I guessed it was because he wasn’t used to Hotch being back yet, it hadn’t been the most settled few months for the poor kid and Marley’s recent disappearance to the hospital hadn’t helped matters.

“What was your dream about?” She soothed as he snuggled between the two of us and wrapped his arms around Marley.

“A monster was in my room.” He whimpered before burying his head in Marley’s chest. “It was big and green and it crept under my duvet and was going to eat me, but then I woke up.”

“Oh baby, it’s okay. Monsters aren’t real, I promise.” I bit back my rhetoric that monsters were real, his Mom had been killed by one, but then I realised that for once his dreams hadn’t revolved around the Reaper or his Mom which was unusual, but good. A small step in the right direction.

Then it hit me, despite the fact I’d seen Marley comfort Jack a million times before and had realised that she was a great ‘Mom’ to Jack, for the first time it really hit home how amazing she would be as a Mother in her own right, to my baby. I had to turn away from the scene to compose myself.  I wondered if Marley felt the same way when she held Jack. He soon settled down against Marley’s side and began snoring quietly with Marley stroking his hair; eventually she looked up and from the desolate look on her face I can tell she was thinking the same thing as me.

“One day Marls, we’ll have a baby.” She nodded and quickly wiped her eyes before kissing me.

“I don’t suppose you fancy getting me some coffee?” She asked hopefully, and really, how could I deny her that, so I headed into Hotch’s pristine kitchen only to find Hotch already nursing a cup of steaming coffee. He nodded to acknowledge my entrance before staring back into his cup.

“How’s Marley?”

“Coping, I think having Jack to cuddle helps.” He nodded before turning back to his coffee. The two of them had reached a kind of truce after her stint in the hospital; I guessed she needed one of her ‘Fathers’ right now and after the way he’d cared for her, she couldn’t keep hating him. She refused to let us tell anyone about what had happened, including her Father, she’d even lied to her college friend Kate about why she had taken the week off. I understood why, I’d asked Rossi and Morgan not to tell any of the team, it was a painfully private experience that I guessed the two of us just wanted to keep between us. So we had to lean on the few people who did know if we wanted to let off some steam, and as always Marley leaned towards Hotch more than anyone else. He seemed to have realised the opportunity that she was giving him and had been nothing but attentive since she got home.

“Reid… Spencer, please come back to the team. We need you.” I stared up at him in shock, causing me to splash scalding hot water over my hand. As I sprayed cold water over it to avoid a third degree burn I kept my eyes on him, as if I could ever stare Hotch out. My sabbatical was up on Monday and I’d been seriously debating my future, especially in light of everything that happened; I had almost daily job offers from every different type of field, most of which would let me stay closer to home, closer to Marley. “Marley asked me to have a word with you. She wants you to go back; she wants you to be doing something that makes you happy. And if that’s not being in the BAU anymore then fine, we’d all understand but I think you still love your job.”

“Marley spoke to you.” He nodded before taking a gulp of his coffee. “If you don’t want to go back to the team because… because of trust issues then I could find you another one. Maybe to Seaver’s new team?” I thought for a minute about a new team, not spending my days in the BAU with my team. No Garcia making my laugh, no Morgan looking out for me like a big brother, no Rossi debating with me on the best type of pasta sauce. I couldn’t imagine it.

“No, if I go back to the BAU, I want to be with our team. We’re family. I’ll be in the office on Monday, for a trial period at least.” He nodded, actually looking happy at my decision while I wondered if I’d made the right one. It was a nerve wracking decision and I wondered what it would be like with Emily back again. Although the person I was most worried about working with was JJ, while it had hit Marley harder that Aaron had lied, for me it was worse that JJ had. After Emily’s death I couldn’t cope and had lent on JJ probably more than I should have, Marley just hadn’t had the same relationship that I had with the rest of the team so I’d pushed her away in favour of someone who I’d thought could understand that dreadful pain. Now I realised just how unreasonable I’d been with her when I still refused to speak to her about Emily eight weeks on and had instead gone running to a girl who she was getting more and more paranoid about. It was at week eleven that the poor girl had finally snapped and begged me to speak to her because she couldn’t bear to lose me. We’d had an awful argument and I’d stormed out. The next day had been Emily’s birthday and I’d never been in such a bad place, so I called a number I’d tried to erase from my eidetic memory; the number of the dealer I used to use back when I had a problem. I’d been so close to injecting it into my system but then I’d noticed Marley’s hairbrush on the bedside table, and I thought about what this would do to her. So I’d done what I should have done eleven weeks earlier and called her. JJ had known how I was struggling but she hadn’t told me, and what I really didn’t get was why. Why couldn’t I know, or any of the others for that matter, know? We were FBI agents who loved Emily like family, we’d never to anything to jeopardise her safety. I didn’t ask Hotch why he’d thought I couldn’t know, there was no point bringing it up when Marley was still working on her relationship with him.

I picked up the two mugs and headed back to our room to find Marley curled up with Jack, he must have woken up again because the TV was on quietly and the two were watching some cartoon. I slid under the covers and Jack turned to grin at Marley before whispering something in her ear; I rolled my eyes, wondering what the two of them had planned and how messy it would be, but it was good to see the two of them smiling. Marley leaned over to rummage in her draw while Jack grinned ominously at me until she gave him a small object. I tried to meet Marley’s eye, feeling slightly scared by the glint in Jack’s eye but she just smiled and took a sip of her coffee.

“Are you ready for my coin trick? I perfected it!” He giggled before holding up a quarter while Marley smiled at me. He hid the coin from view from his other hand before revealing his now empty hands; I couldn’t help smiling as he leaned up to ‘find’ the coin in my ear. My praise was genuine, he’d done really well considering he was only seven and I couldn’t help wondering how long he’d been practicing.

“I’m going to miss this,” I sighed as Jack hugged me tightly.

“Aaron talked to you?” Marley asked as she tried to keep a straight face.

“Yes, and I’m going back on Monday.” She grinned before leaning over to kiss me.

“My James Bond is back.” She laughed.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Walking back into the office after three months away was harder than I’d thought it would be. I already missed Marley and Jack; I wanted to be part of the morning routine with Jack taking his good sweet time to eat his breakfast and Marley faffing around getting everything she needed for college. I’d loved it when it had been the three of us, it had almost seemed like we were a proper family.

“Hey, where have you been, I wanted to do brunch this weekend?” I kept my head down when I heard JJ’s voice and mumbled some excuse about my Mom, knowing it would make her less likely to pry; there was an unspoken rule among the team that my Mom’s illness was private, which only intensified when I reached the age at which schizophrenic breaks happen.

Morgan’s sudden appearance at my side with my old coffee mug and a quiet “how’s Marley?” stemmed any further fuming about the nonchalance in JJ’s voice as she’d spoken to me, as if everything was just the same as it had been a few weeks ago. She gave a slight smile as she walked past me into the conference room and I wondered how the hell I was meant to work with her when every time I saw her anger bubbled up inside me.

“Guys, we’ve got a case.” Garcia sighed as she approached us. “It’s a bad one.” 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

It felt strange having a briefing on the jet after so long, but it also felt incredibly right, there was something comfortingly familiar about Hotch splitting up the jobs.  It was going to take time to get back into it the swing of things; I kept day dreaming, thinking about home. I felt incredibly claustrophobic on the plane with my so called friends who all seemed to have got over the fact that our nearest and dearest had lied to us.

“Good to have the old team back together again.” Morgan commentated as he playfully punched my shoulder. “I’ve missed you, pretty boy. We’ve had to call Garcia every time we need to know something you would know; she’s never used google so much in her life!”

“Yeah, I’ve missed the team too.” _Most of you,_ I silently qualified.

“Bet you’re missing your girl, I thought you might get too used to it, not want to come back.” There seemed to be genuine concern in his face and I shrugged, not wanting to admit how close I’d come to not coming back. I heard Hotch announce that I was going out with JJ on the road. She turned to give me a sickly sweet smile but I turned back to Morgan and asked him how his Mom was; he gave me an odd stare, obviously noticing the tension between us, but he quickly rattled off a half-hearted answer about their last phone call.

When we landed JJ headed for the nearest SUV with me trailing behind her wishing I was with Morgan or Hotch… even Prentiss just not _her._ She smiled as I got in the car and began talking about Henry; it was a smart move I was hardly going to be rude about him, all I could do was snap that we should be focusing on the case. Her talk about Henry had hit a raw nerve as I thought about my own baby. I couldn’t blame her for that insensibility, she didn’t know, but it didn’t make it any easier.

I stared at the clock in the dashboard; Marley would be picking Jack up from school now, then they might go to the park or maybe to the shops. Jack wasn’t a fan of shopping although I completely understood, shopping with Marley could be a nightmare; even food shopping would take the girl hours as she investigated each different brand even though she did the weekly shop every week. When the three of us were together I used to take Jack out, once I even took him to the air and space museum, which he said was his best trip out ever. And while he said that the week after when Jess took him to Laser-quest with his cousin, I still knew he’d enjoyed himself.

 **How are you? I miss you both so much. Hopefully I’ll be home soon. Love you xxx** I fired off a text quickly, knowing that she was alright would make it easier to concentrate on the task at hand.

 **We miss you too. Come home soon; Jack has a science project, you know I can’t do science! Love you so much! Xxx** Her fast reply made me smile but also worry, hoping she wasn’t missing me too much. I wondered what Jack would do for his science project, whether he’d make the standard volcano or something more obscure. Probably something obscure if Marley had anything to do with it; many of the parents at Jack’s school detested the odd family with the haughty FBI agent who disappeared for months on end, the quiet studious boy and the young Nanny, so any chance where they could prove their worth, they took it. I still laughed whenever I thought of the look on some of the most stuck up parents when Jack triumphed in the school wide Spelling Bee, as he was cheered on by the bizarre family that we’d created.

“Here we go.” JJ muttered as she parked near the abduction site. I shoved my phone in my pocket before leaving the car and walking down the road towards the first abduction site. JJ was mumbling about the case but I wasn’t really listening to her; her voice was grating on me already. I was sure Hotch had pushed us together on purpose so we’d be forced to sort things out. He should have realised that the only reason Marley had forgiven him was because of the baby; Christ knows what would have happened otherwise. She probably would have moved out.

“So Beth got off the bus here and headed north-west towards class.” I mused as we headed towards the bus stop. It was incredible how normal some abduction sites looked, there were dozens of people milling around the streets not aware that they were standing where some poor girl had last been seen. Any of them could be next.

“It’s amazing how no one witnessed her abduction.” JJ mused but I refused to be dragged into a discussion with her.

“Well Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris so I guess anything is possible.”

“So that _is_ what this is about.” Well what did she expect? That we were all going to just accept the lies and deceit? Unable to formulate an appropriate public response I made some quip about the case, hoping she’d drop it. Of course she wouldn’t.

“Spence if you want to talk about this…” Yes I did, but not to her. 

“Maybe he tried another tactic. Maybe he was like,” wow you’re really pretty you should be a model”” I powered on. I wasn’t going to get into it. Not here. Not now.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She muttered quietly. _Yes, please do. Please stop pretending we’re friends when you obviously think nothing of me. Speaking to you nearly cost me my relationship, and all for what? She was alive the whole time you bitch!_ I seethed internally but said nothing, just suggesting heading to the dump site. It would give us something to do; I had to get away from here. Away from _her._  

The car ride was another silent affair; I stared out the window and wondered what Jack was doing now. I missed them, and being back on a case wasn’t like I remembered. It was fraught with awkward tension and an unpleasant atmosphere. Maybe I would reconsider my future with the bureau after all.

“How’s Marley? I overheard Morgan on the phone the other day and it sounded like she was ill.” JJ smiled cautiously over at me while I fumed silently.

“She’s fine.”

“And Jack?”

“Ask Aaron?” I suggested bitterly. She sighed before refocusing her attention on the road. We said nothing for the rest of the trip. 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.” JJ challenged as she followed me doggedly into the conference room.

“Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?” I grabbed a random file off the glass conference table for something to do with my shaking hands. I didn’t want to discuss this. Not here when we were in the middle of a case and people’s lives were at stake. I kept my eyes down, reading the name on the file “Andrew Lord.” Christ, it wasn’t even for our case but I didn’t care. I focused on the black printed letters, the scratchy cheap card that the folder was made from. Anything so I didn’t have to face what was coming next.

“You know what _I_ think it is?” She growled angrily as she strategically placed herself between me and the door. There really was no escape.

“What?” I finally asked.  Fine, I’d hear her out. Maybe it would help; Aaron and Marley had made peace with each other after all.

“You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.” I stared at her open mouthed for a second, trying to get my head around what she’d just said. She came out with garbage like that and Hotch _still_ thought she was one of the best rookie profilers he’d ever seen.

“You think this is about my _profiling skills?_ Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I _trusted_ you! I came to your house for ten weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.” Did she really think my anger was because my ego had taken a knock? At least Hotch _knew_ what he’d done wrong he came begging for forgiveness. He’d known he’d betrayed their trust; he’d let Jack down and broken Marley’s heart. Jennifer, Jennifer didn’t understand even the most basic part of the whole mess. I’d _trusted_ her, trusted her with my life, and like almost everyone else in my life she’d let me down.   

“I couldn't.” She whimpered, realisation obviously dawning on her.  

“You _couldn't_ , or you _wouldn't_?” She’d known how close to the edge I was, how disillusioned I was with life. Would it have really hurt to tell me the truth? It wasn’t like I was going to scream it from the rooftops, was it? 

“No, I _couldn't_!”

“What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?”

“You didn't.” She quickly evaded the question, obviously not wanting to ask the question of herself either. I wondered what she would have done. What would Hotch have done, come to think of it, if Marley had rung him up in tears after she’d found me off my head on the stuff. It was best not to dwell on it. I knew the answer wouldn’t be what I wanted to hear. 

“Yeah, but I thought about it.” I answered bitterly. I turned angrily away and headed for the door. Still clutching the useless file as if my life depended on it. 

“Spence!” She cried desperately and I turned to see her eyes brimming with tears. “I'm sorry!” 

“It's too late!” The realisation dawned on me even as I fled out of the building; it was too little, too late.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It was dark on the plane ride home and I had curled up away from the rest of the team. I’d forgotten how hard it was dealing with the horror we saw on a daily basis on these cases. _That poor girl._ The broken look in her eyes when we’d found her reminded me of Marley just before she’d tried to kill herself. I hoped Tammy could deal with it better.

I heard someone moving towards me and looked up in time to see Prentiss moving to sit opposite me. It was still strange seeing her here, looking so _alive._ There had been a time when I would have done anything to have her with us again. And even now, with everything that had happened, I was glad she was alive.

“So the surgeon believes he can restore feeling to Tammy’s hands.”

“Good, we got there in time.” I nodded, glad that Tammy’s life wouldn’t be completely ruined by what her Uncle had done to her.

“Mr Bradstone wants to see the tape.”

“People have an innate need to witness things in order to believe them.”

“That explains why I’m going to Rossi’s. I want to see if he can actually cook. You coming?” I paused for a second, I wasn’t sure. Part of me just wanted to spend whatever time I could with Marls but at the same time I wanted to make an effort, to try and become a part of the team again.

“I’m not sure I can make it.”

“Look Reid I know you’re mad at us. I understand that.  Listen, you mourned the loss of a friend. I mourned the loss of six. This whole thing gave me an ulcer; please don’t give me another. Will you go?” She pleaded and I paused, unsure what to do.

“We’ll see.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“I think you should go, Spence.” Marley kissed my temple and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Hotch is out, so I have you two all to myself. Why would I want to go out?” I shrugged and turned in her arms so that I could kiss her properly. I’d missed the two of them over the few days and was glad Aaron would be out so I could spend some quality time with them. Aaron had left twenty minutes ago after pleading with me to go “for the sake of the team.” I’d played the “Marley needs someone to stay with her” card which Marley wasn’t particularly happy about but it was true; I knew Jess had been stopping by while we’d been away but it would be nice for her to have me for the whole night.

“Because it might be a nice night. You might enjoy yourself, please go. Aaron and I worked things out, maybe you and JJ can.” She gave me a small smile before placing a kiss on my nose. “Everyone does stupid things and makes mistakes, sometimes we have to work it out.”

“I know,” I grumbled. “It just makes you question what you know about people.”

“Do you want to hear a story my Dad once told me?” Marley asked as she drew patterns across my palms, making me twitch as she hit my ticklish point. “Two friends were walking in a desert and had an argument when one of them slapped the other. The one who was slapped wrote in the sand “today my best friend slapped me in the face.” They carried on walking and eventually came across an oasis where they decided to take a bath, and the one who got slapped started to drown but his friend saved his life. Once he recovered he carved into a stone “today my best friend saved my life.” When his friend asked why he replied “when someone hurts us we should write it in the sand where the winds of forgiveness can erase the pain. But when someone shows us kindness we should engrave it so it can never be erased.” Do you get where I’m going with this?”

“Why would you bother carving something in a dessert? Why are they in a desert anyway?” She burst out laughing and rolled her eyes.

“It’s a story.”

“A parable.” I corrected. “It has a message; we should forgive out friends and remember all the kind things they do.” 

“I’m just saying that people do things they shouldn’t, and if they’re really sorry then sometimes you have to be the better person and forgive them.”

“I need to work things out in my own mind.”

“Spence, you’re not going to work _anything_ out sat here. _Please_ go!” She pushed me playfully before bringing me back in for a kiss. “Now.”

“When did you become so wise?” She grinned and kissed me again. “You’ll make a great Mom one day.”

“Maybe.” She whispered quietly, her eyes suddenly gleaming in the half light of the living room. I cursed under my breath at the insensitivity. How could they call me a genius?

“Marls we will have a baby, they didn’t say we couldn’t.” I whispered quietly as tried not to think of the numerous talks we’d had with specialists before we’d left the hospital.

“No, they said it wouldn’t be easy. That our chances were slimmer, a hell of a lot slimmer.” A single tear slipped down her cheek and it broke my heart.

“Hey, hey, come on darling. This is you, you’ve fought of grizzly bears before now. We _will_ have a baby. Now, let’s find something good to watch.”

“No! You _are_ going! Now.” She took on the Hotchner-stare and I knew I was fighting a losing battle. I was going to Rossi’s whether I wanted to or not.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It was Morgan who opened the door to me and he grinned happily at me; obviously when Hotch had turned up alone he’d assumed that I’d bailed out of our “reconciliation evening.” I followed Morgan through the house, always in awe of Rossi’s mansion. I loved his house, it had a library and everything, but I always wondered if he ever felt lonely in it. Even my tiny apartment could feel too big when I was alone in it.

“Hey guys.” I smiled awkwardly as I walked into Rossi’s bright clean kitchen. But Hotch’s face lit up when he saw I’d turned up and even JJ gave me a sheepish smile although she promptly turned back to watch Rossi’s demonstration. Emily passed me a glass of red wine from beside her; she’d known I’d turn up. _Damn profilers._

It was several hours later, after we’d all cooked, or _attempted to_ at the very least, and I’d headed outside to call Marley only to be told to “put the damn phone down and enjoy myself.” I sighed as I leant against the cool white wash brickwork of Rossi’s wall; things still felt awkward between the team. There was an atmosphere, an air of uncertainty which had never been there before. I guessed it would take some time before we were all completely comfortable with one another again.

“How did yours taste? It looked better than Garcia’s at any rate.” JJ joked quietly as she opened Rossi’s sliding door.

“I blame Morgan, he was distracting her.” I agreed, smiling slightly as I remembered Rossi’s outrage when Garcia’s pan nearly caught fire.

“Oh Spence, I’m so sorry. I screwed up but you’re one of my best friends and you’re Henry’s Godfather. I don’t want to lose you from my life. Please, I’ll do anything Spence.” She bit her lip as tears gleamed in her eyes, much like they had in Marley’s earlier.

“I shouldn’t have shouted at you earlier.” I whispered quietly.

“No, I understand why. I really am sorry. Are… are we okay?”

“No.” I answered honestly, and felt a spasm of guilt when her face fell. That spasm told me everything else that I needed to know. “But we will be.” 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
